The reflection in the store window followed my every movement. The Edges blurred, the detail faint yet, familiar. I paused and peered deeply into the glass; It was my Father, it was my Sons.
A Drifter’s Lament
With each step, the gallon of water in his hand seemed to grow heavier. In the other, he had a large plastic bag. It was heavy and cutting into his palm, but it was worth it; the bag was filled with cans of food, given to him by a generous family at a gas station a few miles back. Like a Christmas present, he didn’t want to open it until he found a place to relax, where he could savor this special moment. This unopened bag gave him something to look forward to, which was a rare feeling these days.
Ahead, dark clouds were gathering and on the radio at the gas station, he had heard there was a chance of rain. Experience had taught him that with the rain, cold weather would soon follow and that he needed to find an overpass quickly. He liked overpasses as there was usually a flat spot near the top where he could be dry, warm and stay hidden from the prying eyes of others. Unfortunately, there were none in sight and as the radio predicted, it was beginning to rain.
Between his old heavy backpack, the gallon of water and the plastic bag, each step along the litter covered highway was difficult and growing harder as the mud was beginning to cover his worn shoes and seep inside, filling the gaps between his toes, which were making a squishing sound with each step.
Once, while walking, he had found a five dollar bill and to this day, he had trouble keeping his eyes looking ahead as he was afraid that he might step over a twenty or something. This had become an obsession for him and he found that occasionally he would become so focused that he would wander onto the highway, looking up at the last second as a car came speeding by.
At night, he dreamed of finding a lost wallet full of cash. He pictured himself in a hotel room, soaking in a warm bathtub full of white suds with bubbles floating in the air. Then he would lay on the bed wrapped in the soft blankets, warm and safe, where he would drift off to sleep; no longer afraid of being harmed by others who may discover his hiding place and take from him his precious food and the last of his possessions. He could finally breathe and be at peace, if only just for a night.
It was starting to rain harder now and he wished for some kind of shelter, anything. He was looking forward to eating soon, as through the plastic, he could see a can with a picture of pasta covered in a delicious red sauce. One of his favorites, heated or not. But not yet, he had to keep going.
He always walked against traffic, afraid of being hit from behind by a distracted driver, who was digging around in the floorboard for a misplaced diamond ring or something. Occasionally, he would look into the drivers eyes as they approached. They all had somewhere to be; someone waiting for them. He would smile and occasionally wave, but most would just look away, pretending not to see him.
The rain was running down his neck, giving him chills as it spread across his back. Lightning was filling the skies, beautiful but deadly as he was the tallest object in sight. He outstretched his arm, daring the storm to find him, secretly praying that it would.
To his dismay, it was now the middle of the night and he had still found no shelter. The rain had passed and as expected, the temperature was falling. He was in the middle of nowhere. He finally accepted that it was just going to be a long, cold night and the pasta would have to wait for the sunrise.
It was too dark to look for money now and he was able to hold his head up as he walked. He liked the break. Staring at the ground constantly made his neck ache. With an old blanket over his shoulder and a faster pace, he found he was able to keep somewhat warm and decided to push on, searching for the lights of the next town. He hoped that maybe things would be better there, that maybe something good would happen. Maybe.
Karma; I’m Now a Believer
The World: Hey Michael, Karma called looking for you.
Me: Crap! What did she want?
The World: I don’t know, but she was really pissed!
Me: What did you tell her?
The World: I told her right where to find you.
Me: Why would you do that? You’re not still mad about the…
The World: Uh huh, I told you I would get…
Me: Seriously?, Gawd…
What I learned From the Playground Bully
During my childhood, the playground bully was a staple; usually ruling recess with an iron fist. While I went to great lengths to avoid his and at times her attention, some days it was my turn in the barrel and that was the accepted reality of the times.
The bully’s of my youth were usually larger, meaner and more comfortable with confrontation than I was at the time. Their reputation usually preceded them with anecdotal stories which were relayed from student to student and thus the bully became larger than life. That was the playground. That was life. We survived and moved on.
As I look back, I realized that the bully’s of my childhood and the people who confronted those bully’s, taught me volumes about existing in the real world beyond the playground.
1. Size Matters: You don’t run your mouth to someone twice your size and expect to walk away unscathed.
2. I learned very early to think strategically: To get from A to B required a plan of action in order to avoid a confrontation, especially when I knew they were looking for me.
3. You learn to think quickly and measure your words: Every utterance had the potential to either provoke or calm the situation.
4. You learned diplomacy and the ability to reason your way out of trouble: I learned the importance of “engage brain before mouth”. I also learned how to reason with the bully, which rarely worked but was worth trying.
5. I learned team work: When the bully would go too far and it became time to end his reign, I learned early that by joining with others and confronting the bully, he would ultimately cave and run.
6. I learned to respect bravery: Every once in a while, someone would say “no” and square off with the bully. Win or lose, I admired the one who was brave enough to say “no more”. Their singular action usually started a chain reaction, in which a group formed and drove the bully away.
7. I learned compassion: I also learned why they were a bully. Their home life was a struggle and they were generally unhappy and acting out. I also learned that most bully’s would rather have friends than enemies.
8. I learned to choose a side: Either you were part of the bully’s circle or you weren’t. I learned the value of compromising with those who disagree. Everyone has their own problems, wants and desires and you learned, to whatever degree, how far you were willing to tolerate their position . The bully affected us all: either you were with him, which made life easier, or you were against him. Either way, you chose.
9 I learned to adapt and to cope: The playground was your world now. It’s not like you can just leave, so you learned to make it work.
10. You learned who you DIDN’T want to be like in life: In the presence of a bully, who you are, is defined relatively quickly. I wanted to be the one who “stood up”.
I remember two pivotal events in my life that formed a core belief that I still live by to this day.
The first occurred when I was about 10 years old during a Boy Scout meeting at a park. We were surrounded by eucalyptus trees when we heard the sound of a boy screaming for help. We spotted a large tree house and saw older boys hitting him with belts. I was stunned at the cruelty. My next door neighbor, Renée, immediately went to the tree, climbed it and the older boys began suffering her wrath and were jumping out of the tree in all directions, running for their lives. She then returned with the greatful boy who was without a shirt and covered with welts. She was my hero. We all just stood there with our mouths open, including the other adults; she didn’t fail to act, she took charge.
The next event occurred two years later in junior high school. I was wearing a religious shirt that said “Only He can prevent eternal fire” with a picture of Smoky the Bear on the front. I really liked that shirt but an older kid, who enjoyed picking on 7th graders, didn’t. He grabbed my collar and stretched it almost to the point of tearing the shirt. I was furious and attacked him. At 5’ 6” and maybe 120 lbs, I was no real threat but I did everything but chew his ear off and he actually fled never to bother me again.
Those two events changed me forever; I learned to never underestimate the sheer awesome will and power of a Parent in defense of a child, whether it’s her’s or not. I also learned to never, ever tolerate a bully. You either step-up or you sit down and shut up. Dante reserved the anteroom of hell for those who can’t decide which.
The Playgrounds of my youth were a microcosm of the outside world. After high school, I felt generally ready and prepared for the harsh realities of adult life.
In an bizarre way, we owe a twisted debt of gratitude to the school bully. Unintentionally, they contributed to the overall social development of the students they encountered. Sadly, I do recognize, however, that while some were able to overcome the bully’s existence, others, tragically were not and took their own lives.
Bully’s are a reality of life. They cannot be legislated away nor can they be ignored. I feel our best course is to explore the reason why children become bully’s and try and effect a change on that level.
The Modern Prometheus; Trump, Bolton and The Political Experiment That Haunts Me
About 5 years ago, I was watching one of the TV news channels, when this bitter sounding man began speaking about world conflict. He was providing critical analysis about the way in which America was influencing the world politically, and he didn’t seem very happy about the way it was currently being conducted. I remember being surprised at how quickly I developed a dislike for him. He was antagonistic, argumentative and seemed itching for a fight with whomever would give him the opportunity. I also remember that I didn’t like his mustache, it made him look “dated” and old, but it did seem to complete his overall persona as a grouchy old curmudgeon.
Over the following years, I would see him return to the news channels, usually as a guest commentator giving his personal views on the world situation, and without exception, he would scare the hell out of me each time. Ultimately, I concluded that he was the harbinger of World War III and that I was very thankful he was only a commentator and had no “real” power or authority. I remember thinking to myself, “Thank God this guy is not in charge of anything, he’d land us in the middle of a war”. “This guy’s” name is John Robert Bolton and he was America’s ambassador to the United Nations under George W. Bush.
And so it went until last week when President Trump made the same John R. Bolton the National Security Advisor-designate, effective April 9th, 2018. This is about as real as it gets and to me, this is a problem. Barring a brief moment of sanity by President Trump, John Bolton will begin scaring me to death on a daily basis on April 9th.
It’s a fine thing to be bold and resolute in your convictions, provided you temper that passion with patience and a desire for peace. I have observed neither quality in Mr. Bolton. For that matter, I don’t see those qualities in President Trump either.
President Trump (who I voted for) is acting like a petulant child as he conducts America’s business; hiring and firing as if our government was his personal TV game show. His behavior, while initially tolerable, has become grotesque. This unorthodox political experiment has created a monster of sorts.
Electing Donald Trump and taking a break from the “usual politics” initially sounded like a worthwhile endeavor. Unfortunately, it has been disappointing and is quickly becoming intolerable. I’m afraid that our attempt to breathe “new life” into an antiquated and dying political system has resulted in a Frankensteinian outcome that we neither expected nor desired. I, for one, will not make the same mistake twice.
Have You Ever Just Wanted to Let Loose on The World With Your Pen? I Did…
Have you ever been stuck behind “that guy” holding up traffic, usually because he can’t seem to talk on his phone and drive at the same time? How about being in line at the store while the person ahead of you tells their life’s story to an uninterested clerk? The inconsiderate guy in the crowded parking lot, his car in reverse, just sitting there getting his seat “just so”. The one in the drive thru ordering for twelve instead of just going in? And on and on… I used to think they were the exception but I’m learning that they are actually “the rule”. People live in a bubble and seem to care less who they inconvenience or offend. To a driver, the car is his whole world and everyone outside, they just don’t exist. Even more amazing is how brave these people are, while they’re locked in their car. You’re expected to yield and be patient. I don’t feel like yielding and my patience is gone. You don’t live in a bubble, this is the real world where the weak get eaten. Tempers are flaring and it’s time for a change. What you do and what you say can have an unpleasant result if, for example, you are “that guy” and decide to ignore the frustrated drivers or worse, run your mouth about how it’s your “right” to be any way that you want and they “just have to live with it”. Usually before that sentence leaves your misguided mouth, someone has had enough and the last thing you remember is being dragged out of the car window by your balls. So much for your opinion. Humans are a violent species and those that foolishly think otherwise, will find their “entitled” behavior less tolerated. Welcome to the party.
We are SURROUNDED by people of ALL shapes and sizes and most have an OPINION, demanding to be heard. By my MATH, 40% have the IQ of a turnip and just smile a lot, the next 20% are ABLE to tie their own shoes AND give an opinion, but really shouldn’t. The next 20% Just CAN’T help themselves and PUSH their opinions on everyone and the last 20% say very little and just WATCH the rest blather on, AMAZED that we are all of the same species. Between politics, the news and just LOOKING around a mall, I’ve arrived at ONE conclusion; we desperately need a plague; it’s time to THIN the herd. Think of it as MOTHER Nature’s forest fire, as we are up to our ass in dead WOOD.
People, YOU are NOT taking care of YOUR business. However, you seem VERY interested in taking care of mine. We ALL know the difference between right and WRONG. Either you choose a path and move forward or don’t and just leech off family and friends. The former is rare, the latter is today’s NORMAL and benefits only you, that’s OK though, as you don’t seem to MIND. But wow, do you cry FOUL when you are described as a freeloading mooch. You feel YOUR opinion actually matters and that the WORLD owes you an audience. You have chosen the path of least resistance EXPECTING great results. YOU are an idiot. Garbage in-garbage out. The WORLD owes you nothing.
You do VOLUNTEER for whatever. But you make sure EVERYONE knows that you did. A newspaper interview? Why yes, please! You seek RECOGNITION while you search for your identity; now you can say you “belong”, you’re NOW a “winner” and you managed to do it with your usual “minimal effort”. Good for you! No, NOT really, now you’re just a RECOGNIZED failure and I also recognize, that you are a sheep on the “let’s feel-good about ourself” band wagon. REAL volunteers are rarely known for their efforts and usually have no financial incentive. They also know what the WORD “altruistic” means. You, most likely, are reaching for your phone to look it up.
I OWE you absolutely NOTHING and I don’t even feel bad about it. The WORLD owes you absolutely nothing either. YOUR mere presence and your words OFFEND me. You are insignificant. You are UNIMPORTANT. You are a PAIN in the ass. That IS life. You feel entitled. You are WRONG.
YOU also feel disrespected. You FEEL that you should be RESPECTED. Yet you’ve EARNED nothing. You’ve DONE nothing. Neither a gun nor MONEY has gained you respect. NOW, you are an armed, well-funded AND disrespected MORON. Instead of RESPECT, I guess you have fear. Congratulations, you’re a thug.
The world’s Population is GROWING exponentially and you, unbelievably, keep reproducing; creating more traffic clogging, waste generating, entitled, little ENVIRONMENTAL disasters. Now you say you FEEL marginalized. That one is true; you’re actually NOT special. You are but a grain of sand on the great beach of life. Again, NO ONE cares; You have NOTHING to say that I even remotely want to hear. Just play on your phone and sit quietly. Maybe read the National ENQUIRER.
Unless YOU have something IMPORTANT to discuss, DON’T. Be Anonymous, Be quiet. Be invisible. Use that hole below your nose for a BURGER and a diet Coke. If this BOTHERS you, that’s tough and that’s LIFE. Do me a favor and please use that 15 minutes of FAME that you feel so entitled to and SPEND it on a short read from the HEMLOCK Society. It is UNLIKELY anyone will notice the loss and since you will now finally be GONE, you won’t be “that guy” dragging YOUR ass, holding up traffic in front of me. Without you and your ilk, I’ll bet there will be traffic lanes OPENING up all over the place . This is YOUR big chance to do something that ACTUALLY makes a difference . But you won’t because you are a COWARD. Quit STANDING there with your HAND out, you are not a child, you are an ADULT. If you must carry a sign, it needs to say “I SUPPORT Roe v. Wade”. After all, an OUNCE of prevention can go a long way.
I have TWO words for you today: Soylent Green and Euthanasia. (yes, you may grab your phone).
Also, Food for thought:
Great minds discuss ideas.
Average minds discuss things.
Simple minds talk about other people.
Where do you fit in? Not that I really care…It just feels good to take a pen and vent; it’s quite therapeutic actually. I feel better already and I recommend it highly. Let’s keep the venting ACADEMIC though. Too many PEOPLE seek their 15 minutes of fame through VIOLENCE and that is NOT venting, that is being sadly, Human. But that’s just MY opinion.
The Twilight Muse
Unbound, the Muse joyfully dances and frolics in the sleeping mind of the dreamer, casting aside all thoughts of fear and doubt, she puts forth the glorious possibilities of human existence, painting their dreams with a colorful palette of emotion and light.
Emerging at twilight, she adores the night’s skies as the waxing moon releases her from earthly bonds and with chains cast aside, she is free to explore, to create, to wander the resting minds of all she encounters.
While the Artist paints, the dreamer dreams, who, while lost in the warmth of her inspiration and feeling of absolute joy, still catches a glimpse of life’s infinite potential in each delicate stroke of the master’s brush.
Her canvas complete, she tries in vain to gently awaken from slumber all who desire to remember her canvas before the darkness yields to the chaos of the morning’s light.
For the Muse knows that all dreams do flee as the rising Sun, ever so jealous, chases them away from the depths of the dreamer; Their intimate encounter lost to the stars, forever.
Again, she whispers to the dreamer, pleading that he arise as she is anxious to peer deep into his eyes, hoping he remembers with lasting joy, all that She has shared.
Sadly, the dreamer resists, wanting only to delay the morning’s looming chaos, seeking refuge beneath the warmth and comfort of the sheets, which protect the dreamer from reality as a warrior’s shield protects the warrior from harm. Her memory fades, the painting is lost; all that remains, hidden deep within the cluttered human mind, now lost to consciousness.
The waning Moon watches the folly unfold and like a shepherd tending his flock, summons home the Muse as the Moon must now yield the night’s slumber to the rising sun. The Muse now weary, lays down her palette, envious of all who dream; a desired gift denied, as a Muse can have no Muse. The Moon, in love, watches her from afar and with gentle voice begs she seek solace and allow her weary soul the respite so earned.
As she closes her eyes, wrapped is a blanket of stars, the Moon whispers in her ear, “O’ sweet Muse, joyous peace has eluded your soul for far too long.” The waning Moon smiles as she finally sleeps, and with the tenderest of love, sends a Muse to joyfully dance and frolic within her dreams.
.
The Secret of my Success; One Scoop at a Time…
I’m working in the yard doing the most unpleasant of jobs; filling a large orange bucket with crap from our dogs. When the kids were young, we called it potty patrol. Now that they’ve grown up and gone, the task falls to me and apparently, I’ve been derelict.
It seems that our two black labs, Archie and Abby along with our Granddog Nala, and Sweet Pea, a chihuahua, have all decided to go into the fertilizer business.
With shovel in hand, I began and am quickly lost to the land of daydreams. I thought of my past jobs, as I’m currently staring down the barrel of retirement and am amazed at the success that I’ve enjoyed. I found myself back in a Police Cruiser, then I think of my career in the financial services industry. I remember the businesses that I was a part of building and their successful growth which ultimately culminated in a profitable sale, creating the early opportunity to retire. I’ve always had goals and with complete tunnel vision, I did my part to make them happen.
My mind then returned to the present and I see my half-filled bucket of crap. Oddly, I’m annoyed that it’s only half full and immediately set out to fill it to the top line, about an inch below the rim. I’m now laughingly focused on this goal and set about finding as much crap as possible. I’m wishing that we had a Great Dane which would increase the volume while cutting the fill time in half. I mean, it’s all about efficiency. I then realized what I was doing and the silliness of my endeavor…and then I filled the bucket to the line..
It occurs to me though, that the reason for my past success is that I make goals, then “doggedly” pursue the meeting of them and that apparently no goal is too silly to pursue. It also seems that I’m quite “anal” and that I like to win and I win by crushing the goals that I set.
I filled that bucket; one scoop at a time and relished in my success. Then I took pictures…
Nala appears to questioning my sanity but does seems appreciative of my efforts.
A Man Falls Into a Hole…
“This guy’s walking down the street when he falls in a hole. The walls are so steep he can’t get out.
“A doctor passes by and the guy shouts up, ‘Hey you. Can you help me out?’ The doctor writes a prescription, throws it down in the hole and moves on.
“Then a priest comes along and the guy shouts up, ‘Father, I’m down in this hole can you help me out?’ The priest writes out a prayer, throws it down in the hole and moves on
“Then a friend walks by, ‘Hey, Joe, it’s me can you help me out?’ And the friend jumps in the hole. Our guy says, ‘Are you stupid? Now we’re both down here.’ The friend says, ‘Yeah, but I’ve been down here before and I know the way out.'”
Aaron Sorkin
